Never Enough
by imjustwriting
Summary: He came with a charming smile and smoldering eyes that always made her heart drum along a few beats faster than normal. He was funny and sarcastic and had noble intentions. He came with a heavy past and secrets of his own, but so did she and neither of them have ever judged the other for the demons that haunted them.


This is the inner workings of my brain and what I want to see happen after Erin leaves Molly's. I realize it is an extremely unlikely scenario, but hey, a girl can dream. Enjoy this one shot. Let me know what you think.

**Disclaimer:** I do not own or have any affiliation with Chicago PD, its characters, writers, cast or crew.

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It is one in the morning and Erin Lindsay has been lying awake since before midnight. Trying to fall asleep without Jay Halstead next to her had proven to be a much more difficult task than she had anticipated. Sure, they had only been a thing for about a month, but that thing between them had infused Erin with more happiness and excitement than she had ever felt with anyone else. She trusted Jay. Not just with her life as her work partner, because he would always have her back, but with her heart as well.

Erin had built a steep wall around herself quite some time ago, leaving a trail of broken hearts behind as Hank Voight had once said to her. She could blame it on her past, and a part of her did just that, but it was more about the insecure feeling instilled deep within her that she would get hurt. So in order to avoid a broken heart, Erin did the breaking. She'd cut off anyone who got too close because it seemed like a good way to protect herself.

And then Jay Halstead entered her life. He came with a charming smile and smoldering eyes that always made her heart drum along a few beats faster than normal. He was funny and sarcastic and had noble intentions. He came with a heavy past and secrets of his own, but so did she and neither of them have ever judged the other for the demons that haunted them.

Erin had remembered exactly what Voight had told her in the beginning, once long ago. That if she wanted to play house with Halstead and give up Intelligence then all she had to do was give Hank the word, but she said nothing would happen there between her and Jay. At the time she said it Erin was sure she meant it. She knew having any sort of relationship with Jay past a friendly working one could cause a rift between, not only them, but the Intelligence team as well. So she kept her distance and told herself the things she had begun to feel we're nothing and she remained professional. Or at least she had tried.

So much had happened in a year and Jay had been there to have her back through it all.

Jules' death. Saving Nadia. Being held hostage with a knife to her throat. Her relationship - if you can even call it that - with Kelly Severide. Charlie coming back into her life. Jin's murder and Hank's suspected cause of it. The bounty on her partner's head. Her pseudo-father going missing. Her brother being found. Her crazy mother showing up out of the blue.

This was different though. This was an actual relationship with Jay, her partner, who was there with her through everything. At least until Voight got suspicious and found out something was going on. He put his foot down once again to stomp out their spark before it could even really flourish into a warm fire.

What a beautiful fire it could have been, but Erin would never know and she hated it. She knew Voight was only looking out for both her and Jay, but she was sick of the rules. She wanted to live her life the way she chose for herself. Make her own decisions without someone breathing down her neck, second guessing her and telling her what to do.

Erin was almost positive it wouldn't have been a fling between her and Jay. It wasn't a booty call arrangement or platonic friends with benefits. It was real. She could feel it every time he kissed her. Every time their skin met one another's. Every time he squeezed her hand. Every time he smiled at her.

Yes, they were still partners and they had agreed mere hours ago to cool things between them, but Erin missed Jay in a way that made her heart ache. The kind of ache you feel when you read a tragic part of a novel or watch a movie where the character you love dies. It was painful for her to think about, but it was all she could focus on.

Erin didn't like to imagine her future too often, but when she did she saw Jay. As her partner, her best friend, her lover, as the man Voight would give her away to one day and the man she wanted to have a family with. Missing Jay and what they had and knowing what they could be kept her heart beating fast and her mind spinning in circles.

Erin knew what it was – she had thought she'd felt it before with men of her past, but she knew different. It was love. The kind you read about and wish for and hope to happen to you someday. She was in love with her best friend and all she wanted to do was tell him.

She continued to lie on her back, eyes on the ceiling for another moment, until she turned her head. She glanced at the clock at her bedside; 1:13 AM.

She sighed. She didn't care that it was a mere six hours until she had to be up and getting ready for work. She didn't care that she would be an unpleasant mess at the district. She didn't care that she was about to go against the one person she swore she never would.

Erin wanted her heart to stop aching.

She kicked the blankets off her body, swung her legs over the side of her bed, stood and walked to her closet. She threw a hoodie on over her t-shirt and pulled on a pair of sweats over her underwear. Five minutes later, with a packed duffel bag hanging over her shoulder, Erin grabbed her wallet and phone, and stuffed them in her coat pockets. She then reached for her keys and turned off the lights and left her apartment.

The drive was quick with near empty streets so early in the morning. When she reached his apartment building Erin killed the engine to the Chrysler 300, grabbed her bag and got out. Her heart was thumping in her chest as she entered the building and hopped an elevator upstairs.

When Erin arrived at his floor she made her way down the hall and to his door. She knew it would be locked and that he would most likely be sleeping, but she also knew where the spare key was hidden at the top of his door frame. She stood on the tips of her toes to reach it and let out a breath of relief when she felt it between her fingers.

Erin realized this was crazy. She shouldn't have just shown up like this, like some psycho or clingy girlfriend. Maybe she should have at least called first, but she was here now and she just didn't give a damn. She just wanted Jay.

With one quick breath she slipped the key into place, turned the handle and pushed the door open. She walked through the entryway and closed the door behind her in near silence. It was somewhat dark, save for the glow of light in the kitchen. Erin could hear Jay's deep breathing coming from his bed and she smiled.

She placed the spare key on a nearby side table and put her duffel on the couch. She took off her boots and stripped down to her t-shirt and underwear before walking through the living room to Jay's bedroom.

He was still asleep as she approached the empty side of his bed – her usual side. It was dark, but not so much that Erin couldn't see him. Jay was on his back, shirtless, with his blanket bunched up at the end of the bed. Only a sheet was covering his lower body and he had one leg sticking out in the middle of the mattress.

Erin pulled the sheet back and crawled in beside him. She snuggled next to him, threw a leg over his exposed one and laid her arm over his stomach. Her hand rested on his chest and she leaned her head forward to kiss his shoulder. He didn't stir and she didn't want to wake him, but Erin knew that she had to.

She kissed his shoulder once more.

"Jay?"

He didn't move at the sound of her whisper so she moved her hand to his face. She rubbed her fingers over his cheek and then his lips and saw him start to wake. She continued with her motions until he was fully conscious and rubbing the sleep from his eyes.

"Erin?"

"Hi."

Jay yawned before sitting up in his bed, forcing Erin to do the same. He reached over to his nightstand and flipped the lamp on before he turned back to the woman at his side. "What are you doing here? Are you okay?"

She smiled at his concern and the rasp of his voice. "I hope you don't mind that I kinda broke in. Although, I did use your hide-a-key so technically it's not breaking and entering."

He smiled at her and reached for one of her hands in her lap. "I didn't ask how you got in. I asked if you were okay."

Erin's smile fell and she shook her head. "Not really."

Jay squeezed her hand in his and kept his eyes locked with Erin's. "What's going on?"

She held his gaze and took a quick breath. "I don't wanna cool it, Jay. I can't."

She hears him sigh, but their fingers stay linked together. He looks down for just a second before his eyes are back on hers and she sees the melancholy in his dull green eyes.

"I only agreed to it because I know how much your relationship with Voight means to you."

She nods. "I know, but you're all I've been thinking about since you walked out of the locker room earlier tonight. I don't care about the rules Jay. Voight means a lot to me, but so do you, and I don't wanna go against him, but if he can't let me be happy then I just don't care anymore. I wanna be with you."

Jay's got a wide grin on his face and his eyes seem brighter and it makes Erin smile again. "So, you're saying you're choosing me over your dad?"

She rolls her eyes then. "He's not my dad."

"He may as well be!"

She shakes her head at him, but the dimples in her cheeks don't go away and her voice doesn't rise above a low whisper. "I choose you. I'll always choose you."

Jay pulls his hand out of hers then and moves it to her cheek. He pulls her to him and she moves her arms around him. One hangs over his shoulder, while the other goes to the back of his head. Jay leans in to her as he feels her fingers on his neck and he kisses her. A gentle back and forth of lips and teeth and tongues and they're breathing heavy when they pull away moments later to rest their foreheads against each other's.

Jay keeps his hand on her face, rubbing her smooth skin with his thumb. "Are you sure, Erin? As much as I want this to happen, I don't want you to regret it. I don't want to come between you and him."

Erin shakes her head at him again with a smirk on her face and runs her fingers through his hair. "If I wasn't sure then I wouldn't be here, Jay. I want this. Us. You. It's all I want. I'll deal with Hank later."

She doesn't say another word and neither does Jay. Instead, Erin sits up on her knees and moves over his lap. She's straddling him with her hands in his short hair while his are gripping her waist. She leans down to kiss him with hard lips and a quick tongue. Jay pulls his lips away from hers then for literal seconds to pull the t-shirt she wears over her head. He tosses it to the side before their lips are fused back together and he's swallowing her sighs of content.

Jay keeps a tight hold over her thin torso before he pushes her to the side. He's over top of her now, his pelvis lined up with hers between her open legs. His lips are on her neck now and his hands are at her sides and she's breathing heavy again through parted lips. He can hear his name come from her mouth in a guttural moan and she's gripping his shoulders, nails in skin, but he wants to take this slow. He wants to show her how much she really means to him, how this isn't just sex for him.

His lips are still on her neck with a deliberate dawdling of his tongue up and down the skin of her throat. He knows it is driving her crazy when her grip on him gets tighter and Erin lifts her hips to meet his. He presses his lower half against her, causing another extensive moan to slip from her lips. He indulges her once more and rocks into her again.

Erin bites her bottom lip hard between her teeth, but not before she mumbles out a strangled imploration. "Please, Jay."

He pulls his lower body away from hers and when he speaks against her skin, the vibration makes her shiver. "Not yet."

The friction between them makes her release her lip from her teeth. She's panting like a dog in heat, for a release of any kind, but Jay shakes his head. He kisses below her ear and repeats his words in a low voice. "Not yet."

He hears a growl come from the woman beneath him, but he smiles, drops another kiss to her throat and then raises his head to look at her. "You know, Erin, patience is a virtue."

She smirks at him then and he swears it will kill him. "You're half naked on top of me and talking about virtue, really?"

He shakes his head at her with a grin on his face. "Anyone ever tell you, you talk too much?"

Erin laughs and brings his face down to hers. "Fine, I'll shut up. Now kiss me."

He doesn't say another word, just obliges her request. When his tongue enters her mouth Jay feels her hands at his sides. She thinks she's clever, trying to push his sweat pants down over his hips and he smirks against her mouth before reaching down. He grabs her hands with a tight tug and brings them up to rest on either side of her head.

It's his turn to growl as he looks into her gleaming eyes. "Do not move your hands."

She's pouting and he's smirking. "I wanna touch you."

He leans down and kisses her forehead. "And you will, but not yet."

Jay hears another grumble of displeasure come from Erin's lips and returns his own to her neck. Another deliberate trail of tongue over skin from the bottom of her left ear, down her throat and back up the other side to the right one.

She is whimpering his name and he is soon moving south down the front of her naked torso and past her belly button. As he continues and moves down her thighs, he pulls her underwear down her legs and tosses the item of clothing haphazardly to the side. He's kissing, licking, biting and leaving trails of fire wherever he goes and Erin is sure she has never needed anything more than him right where he is above her.

She's had sex with Jay before tonight and she has slept with other men too, but she doesn't think it has ever felt like this. He's torturing her with his slow intent and while it's driving her mad it is also making her feel more than she ever did with him or anyone else. He's making her breathless and squirming for more and she just wants to scream out how much she loves him, but she doesn't. Her remaining ability to focus seems to have left her and the only thing she can seem to concentrate on is that feeling of elation swelling in the pit of her stomach.

Moments pass and then a rupture of delight travels throughout her body as she feels Jay everywhere. His fingers move over her warm flesh and his lips dance along her skin. Erin tries to calm her body, tries to regain a steady breath, but her heart continues to beat in a wild rhythm inside her chest. Her head is spinning like a carousel and goosebumps take residence all over her limbs. Another gasp, another shiver and Jay is kissing the insides of her thighs and moving back up her small frame. She swallows hard as he settles himself between her legs again.

Erin can feel him through the fabric of his sweatpants and when she lifts her hands to bring them down to his waistline he doesn't stop her this time. She pushes the clothing down his hips, then his thighs and then he's kicking them off and he settles against her once more.

Jay hovers over her while resting on one elbow and his other hand cradles Erin's face in his palm. He leans down and kisses her with soft lips and a languid tongue. She's kissing him back with matching tenacity and then her hands are in his hair, gripping his short locks with tight grasps.

Erin pulls back, another whimper in her throat. "Jay, please."

He enjoys it more than he should when she begs and a smirk crosses his face. Erin Lindsay may drive and call most of the shots while they are working together, but when they are behind closed doors Jay knows he is in total control – not that Erin seems to mind. She's pushing her pelvis up into his, needing another bout of friction, pleading again in silence for what he hasn't yet given her.

Jay drops his hand from Erin's face, moves it to her waist and grips her hips with a firm, but gentle squeeze. She whimpers a near inaudible sound as he rocks his lower half into hers and then he feels her shudder beneath him at the bare contact. He gives another pull of her flesh between his fingers once more before he pushes forward and ends up right where she needs him most.

Her dry lips gasp a shocking breath before her mouth curves into a near circle. Her breathing is shallow, she is panting again now – more than before, and Jay evokes a delicious feeling within her. He keeps his gaze on her and it makes her shy all of a sudden. The look in his eyes, while he moves above her, makes Erin feel even more naked than she already is beneath him, but she doesn't break their stare.

Jay continues giving her his undivided attention. Her eyes have fluttered closed, back arching into him and a subtle sheen of perspiration rests over her skin. Tightening legs. Squeezing hands. Clenching aches. A perfect combination – an overdose of a drug only Jay can provide.

Erin sinks back into Jay's mattress with a pounding heart. It is relentless in her chest. Harsh beats, quick breaths. His face is back in the crevice of her neck and shoulder. He places sweet kisses with the brush of his tongue and a graze of his teeth. Another whimper escapes her. It's a state of rest, of ecstasy, but exhilarating none the less.

When her frenzy fades away Erin is finally able to breathe at a steady pace once more. Her scorching skin now makes her shiver. Jay must feel it because without a word he pulls himself away from her for mere seconds to reach for the blanket that still lies at the foot of his bed.

He crawls back up her body, pulling the blanket with him and rests back between her legs as he covers them with warmth. He drops several more pecks to her neck, her cheeks, her forehead, before leaving one final kiss to her parted lips.

Erin smiles, sated and tired, at the man above her and she uses what little energy she has within her to reach for him. She holds his face in her hands and pulls him down to her mouth so she can kiss him again because it's never enough.

When they separate a moment later she is smirking at him. "Have you been holding out on me, Halstead?"

He smiles that charming grin and shakes his head. "No."

She is looking at him with curious hazel eyes that glisten with remaining elation. "Then why did that feel so different?"

Jay moves up to his elbows – he doesn't want to crush her, but he still wants to be close. He shrugs at her question. "I just figured it was about time."

She raises an eyebrow. "About time for what?"

He leans down to her neck again and kisses the familiar spot below her ear. "Time to really show you just how much I love you."

Erin releases a small gasp at his words and looks at Jay with wide eyes that become tearful.

She swallows a lump in her throat, and doesn't move. Her hands stay immobile on Jay's face and her brain nearly shuts down. She doesn't speak for several moments and it makes Jay nervous. He doesn't look at her as he tries to lift himself off of Erin's body, to a sitting position, but she doesn't let him. She keeps a steady hold on his face, but remains quiet for another moment.

It's Jay's turn to swallow back a lump of anxiety. He screwed this up. It was too soon –

"You love me?"

He drops his eyes back to hers and nods. "I do. I love you a lot actually."

A shy smile comes over Erin's face and Jay breathes a sigh of relief. He leans down once again and captures her lips in a sweet, but forceful kiss and she is returning it as usual with the same fervor. When they separate for air Jay is grinning, but Erin can tell he's nervous – probably because she hasn't said anything else, and it makes her smile grow wider. She's clutching his face in her hands and pulls him down to clear the few inches of space that have formed between them.

Her lips hover beneath his just long enough to whisper four quick words.

"I love you, too."

And then she kisses him again because it's never enough.


End file.
